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Literature Text
I am a white dwarf
a red giant at the end of its life.
Life clinging to the edge of a wharf
resting in the eye of a storm.
I was large and strong and alive
bright with color and warmth and fight.
Fight that always seemed to survive
even the darkest of nights.
Now I look small and weak and harmless
but I am bright and heavy and hot.
Hot with anger and fear and stress
scared from battles won and lost.
I thought I'd burn forever
but then I felt the pain of loss.
Loss I could not endeavor
and collapsed into myself.
So I sit here waiting,
on the fumes of my past life.
Life that seemed so fleeting
but perhaps was past its time.
When I grow dark and cold
and no longer visible in your sky
remember my red giant hello
not my white dwarf good-bye.
a red giant at the end of its life.
Life clinging to the edge of a wharf
resting in the eye of a storm.
I was large and strong and alive
bright with color and warmth and fight.
Fight that always seemed to survive
even the darkest of nights.
Now I look small and weak and harmless
but I am bright and heavy and hot.
Hot with anger and fear and stress
scared from battles won and lost.
I thought I'd burn forever
but then I felt the pain of loss.
Loss I could not endeavor
and collapsed into myself.
So I sit here waiting,
on the fumes of my past life.
Life that seemed so fleeting
but perhaps was past its time.
When I grow dark and cold
and no longer visible in your sky
remember my red giant hello
not my white dwarf good-bye.
"We are all made of stars"
In this poem, I am drawing parallels with my life and the life of a star. Writing this poem helped me put things into perspective and I felt ten times better at the end of this poem than I did at the beginning.
I'd like feed back of any kind. Please and thank you!
~Arlbee
In this poem, I am drawing parallels with my life and the life of a star. Writing this poem helped me put things into perspective and I felt ten times better at the end of this poem than I did at the beginning.
I'd like feed back of any kind. Please and thank you!
~Arlbee
© 2012 - 2024 arlbee
Comments2
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Hi, Sean here from #We-Poets stopping by because you requested a critique for this poem.
As I read through this, I thought, "Well, not much to tell her about this, it seems like an average, successful poem." But then I reached the end, and marveled at what you did. Well done! Didn't see it coming, and you should be proud and should feel better about yourself! I like how you broke form at the end too. Always works!
Only one minor suggestion:
So I sit here waiting, (delete comma, unless you chose this line of all others to do that with for a reason I don't know, because otherwise it's not needed)
As I read through this, I thought, "Well, not much to tell her about this, it seems like an average, successful poem." But then I reached the end, and marveled at what you did. Well done! Didn't see it coming, and you should be proud and should feel better about yourself! I like how you broke form at the end too. Always works!
Only one minor suggestion:
So I sit here waiting, (delete comma, unless you chose this line of all others to do that with for a reason I don't know, because otherwise it's not needed)